starting

Admitting that you’re sick is hard. No one wants to say that they have a problem, or that they simply can’t do things because of a physical limitation. It’s especially hard when you’ve been healthy, happy, productive and independent for as long as you can remember.

I’m sick.

The good news? It’s fixable. Those large boxes of supplements that came in the mail yesterday are the solution. That’s funny, because when all of those bottles were filling up the floor of my very small dorm room yesterday they seemed like the problem. Looking at all of those bottles was so overwhelming. I felt so lost and alone. I’m a planner, and I didn’t know how to start planning.

I cried.

I’m not a crier, but I guess there’s a moment for everything. Crying helps. Even though afterwards I had puffy, red eyes and mascara on my cheeks, I felt a lot better. I can do this.

My body isn’t working right now.

It can’t digest protein or process toxins or deal with allergens or build muscle. It can’t fight off infections or parasites.

Years of eating gluten destroyed my intestines. I now allergic to gluten, dairy, eggs, beans, rice, oranges. I’m only 19, too. Being 19 and feeling like you’re at the bottom of the barrel, feeling like you have stones in your stomach every day, and wondering why everyone else gets to feel normal isn’t very fun.

It’s not fair.

But it can be fixed. Supplements help heal my body. They give me enzymes to digest food. They fill my gut with good bacteria to strengthen my immune system. They give me extra nutrition to keep my body running. But taking supplements is harmful to. Having to constantly be vigilant about what I am eating and if I’ve taken everything is mentally and emotionally draining. Making sure that I bring enzymes with me to every meal has meant a lot of extra trips back to the dorm, instead of being with friends. Every day is more complicated and stressful than it is for the average person.

You need a support system.

A support system is probably the hardest thing to come by. Conventional medicine rules, and it is so hard to open up and tell people about natural and holistic medicine. A lot of them laugh in your face and tell you to go see a ‘real’ doctor. Even if you know that there’s nothing the ‘real’ doctor will do that will truly help you. Conventional medicine has become so much about treating the problem, not fixing the root cause of it. Some people give a sympathetic smile and nod before walking away. Others just say you’re crazy. There’s a lot of rejection out there to be found for those of us that choose to heal our bodies naturally. So we need to find the few people out there willing to try to understand, or willing to at least accept that, even if they don’t believe in it, using natural medicine is what we need to do to get better. That’s probably the hardest part about all of this. I’m 4,000 miles from home and go back once a year. Everyone I know that understands what is happening is so far away. A lot of my friends here have doctors for parents and can’t understand using natural medicine.

Yesterday, I felt so alone.

I felt so alone and abandoned out here in the middle of nowhere (literally) Vermont. But maybe there are others out there that also lack people in their lives who can give them support. And maybe we can help each other.

Here on this blog I will offer stories (although I’m working on my storytelling skills. Bear with me), recipes, and suggestions. I will drink a lot of tea, take my oregano, and continue to choke down my evening primrose oil and amino acid powder.

Today it is 9 degrees and sunny outside. The snow is covering the ground in an icy blanket, and I love winter.

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